And people wondered why we didn’t trust anyone over 30
Off the bus, we came in the front door (not the side ones with 1910 concrete stating “Boys” and “Girls”) to be greeted by signs saying ‘Welcome’ and ‘Turn left for auditorium’.
The auditorium looked huge. No folding chairs–it had actual seats bolted down. It was two stories high with a balcony–Oh my God. And the noise! Hundreds of kids yacking away. The stage was twice as high than our rinky dink elementary stage–you fall off this sucker, you were gonna be getting a hurtin’ on.
Enter our principal.
A huge man around 6′ 5″. Long arms that hung gorilla-like. Wide shoulders, big belly, and a cartoonish jutting jaw line. He spoke softly, using cliches he found amusing. As he got misty about starting his illustrious teaching career in a 6 room schoolhouse, we saw we had a fossil on our hands (he was already over 50). And there was no escaping we were considered just above idiots–this guy had obviously been here for years and no ‘jointure’ was going to unseat this overstuffed Napoleon from his throne. Chuckling started then and there, and he was heretofore christened as ‘the Foon’ (short for buffoon).
He held a small wooden square aloft, like a treasure of the Sierra Madre. This was a Hall Pass. It had those holy words emblazoned on paper that was attached and painted over with plastic coating. You want to go the bathroom, you needed this ‘get out of jail’ pass. Otherwise, you were in trouble (no specifics–just a slant eyed stare that was supposed to inspire fear).
The Assistant Principal was scarier–another huge guy with a face shredded by acne, deep crimson patina with eyes sunk in deep. He was also the high school basketball coach. When it came to hell to be handed out, he was the guy to scowl and mutter ominously.
As we were soon to discover, these two guys (especially the Foon) had no interest in interacting with us, unlike our elementary principal. Both had offices with a private toilet so they wouldn’t behold immature graffiti on shithouse walls. As you will see later, this created an opening for me to have some fun.