The Gorilla Referee
So the Foon hired the retired ex cop, Mr. Brown. A short, old guy with a buzzcut built like a fireplug. He never smiled. Gradually, I realized he, too, had a jag on against rich boys and girls.
His job description: break up cliques, ensure everyone found a seat, and remove idle crowds from the lunchroom and surrounding areas.
Like my godfather and other teachers, he had a thick ‘Pennsylvania Dutch’ accent, so his name was pronounced “Mr. Brawn’ (rhymes with ‘dawn’). This inspired some of our puckish poets to create memorable doggerel. “Mr. Brawn went to tawn with a frawn, etc etc.”
Of course, this only applied to boys. The Foon and Brown had no clue how to deal with girls. Do you be a hard ass and make them cry? Na, parents will call. Better to let nature take its course and the dominant rich can piss on the wannabes.
Things changed pretty quick. He was either in the middle of the lunchroom, eyeing boys’ tables or patrolling the lunch line for line jumpers/boys pushed out of line. Don’t get out of line, boy!
If he saw you being told not to sit somewhere, he’d immediately pull the chair out for you and stare down the assholes: “you got a problem?” For kids acting like a big shot in line, he favored the direct approach: grab the arm, pull the kid out of line, drag him back to the end. The first challenge (“You can’t do that!!”) was met with “OK, no lunch for you, c’mon, we’ll go see the principal. Take it up with him.” No lunch + in Foon’s office + looking uncool = give up.
I have a vague memory of the first time they tried to pull the ‘sit here and we’ll leave’ trick. He let all of them stand, and when they went to move, he told them, “you’re done, dump your trays.” No, we’re just moving. “No you’re not. Sit down over there or leave.” Ooooo tough call…………back down so you could eat, or leave starving until 3. And anyone who chose the latter was followed out and watched to ensure they left.
The other famous move was to leave the table en masse, stand at the trash can and eat. Nope. He’d be on you quick–“you’re leaving. Dump your plate.” I’m eating. “Then sit down. You can’t stand here.” He even figured a way to stop the girls pulling this move by acting chivalrous–“That;’s ok, I’ll take your trays, girls, go ahead and leave.” They got so flustered that they never tried that move again.
He also patrolled the nearby boys locker room/bathroom; some naturally sought refuge to avoid returning to classrooms. He’d just walk in and yell “Everybody OUT!” One kid thought he’d shame the guy by going to pee…..not happening, he waited til the kid was done and escorted him out.
But Mr. Brown, like some other teachers, also resorted to Physical violence. Yes, sports fans, in these prehistoric times there was no student violence on teachers; the teachers were the violent ones.
Next time……….