‘That Car Was the One
I would be remiss without mentioning 60’s cars. Daddy saw cars as a way to show people how successful he was–classic ‘my dick is bigger than yours.’
He flipped cars every 3-4 years, just ’cause he could. When he still had friends on the block, he’d park the shiny vehicle in their driveway and go show the male of the house his new wheels. The ultimate in ‘tacky’.
Let’s pause here……..did you know that back then, all cars were fueled from the back? I’m not setting you up for a joke about weird sex, it’s the truth. Your license plate was on a hinged plate that folded down, and the pipe to the gas tank was there. You had to unscrew the cap, just like now. And when you gassed up, the nozzle held the hinged license plate down.
And they hadn’t invented ‘pump your own gas’ yet. An attendant came to the drivers side. “Hello sir. Wash your windows? Check your oil?’ You’d pop the hood. They’d check your oil (and often, your windshield washer fluid), before they even stuck the gas nozzle in the back. Courtesy was the rule, rude ‘grease monkeys’ were rare–people just wouldn’t patronize stations that were courtesy-challenged. Attendants wore jumpsuits from the company like Esso or Mobil, with their name above the pocket.. There was always a rag at the pumps that the attendant used to check your fluids; the rag was always black, it was very outre to have a clean rag. And–get this–they’d even show you the oil dipstick to be sure you agreed that a quart of oil was needed.
Maybe around third grade, daddy got his (used!) Cadillac. He could have died and proceeded straight to heaven right there, but of course his siblings in the coal regions were ho-hum. The car had a little torpedo shaped gadget on the dash that sensed oncoming headlights and dimmed your high beams. But any bright lights (like a gas station or diner) could also flip your beams. This gave daddy indigestion, a thousand curses heaped on the device. There was a button by your left foot to flip on your high beams–NOT on the steering wheel. I thought that was a pretty good idea.
He later bought a used Chrysler This sucker was huge. I was scared shitless I’d have to learn to drive on the thing. Great stereo radio, though. Crank-able when mom drove!
He said he’d give me $10 if I waxed it. Being desperate for vinyl money, I bit. First time he was happy. The next year, he went out and found 10 or more little tiny dirt/tar spots I had waxed over. I got $5. Never again. We take you to the next summer, he’s watching tube, I’m behind him….
“You gonna wax my car again”
“Nope”
“Cause I found those little marks?”
“Yep”
“Is that what you’ll do all your life. just give up?”
“Yep. If someone yells at me.”
Pause. “God, I must be the worst father in the world.”
Crickets. I’m grinning ear to ear.
Sometimes I got one in…..