Hurt Feelings? Who cares?
I mentioned last time how people dressed up more in the 60’s. I hated it, but it was the way people were and my father loved food (not all fat people are jolly!!); expensive food was his specialty.
So, I’m in the living room with dad, waiting for mom. Typical, right? Women’s late, blah blah. Like some sterile sitcom? Nope, time to pour acid on the scene.
She comes out, ready to go. Out it comes: “You’re not going to wear THAT, are you?”
I swear, her face almost melted, like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. She looked like she’d been physically hit. Even as a youngster, I knew it was wrong to say.
Without a word, she goes back in the bedroom and hurriedly changes. The meal is ridiculously tense. She doesn’t speak one word, wipes her eyes once or twice. He doesn’t give a shit. He looks around for people he knows to glad hand.
Back home, I retreat to my room asap. Downstairs, it begins. I hear deep impassioned sobs from mom. He doubles down–she looked like crap, how could she possibly think that looked good? No apologies–he’s right and that is the end of it. She stays in the bedroom, crying. He’s back looking for programs on the tube.
Next day, I see the ‘ugly’ clothes in the trash. She’s not herself after school, but she tries. Gets the meal ready.
He comes home, she doesn’t speak. One word answers to questions.
During dinner, he looks over at me and smiles the same smile I mentioned last time. “Your mother isn’t talking to me.” Like this is some big joke he’s sharing with me. What an honor to be included in his sadism.
Then the clincher. While still smiling, his eyes cold and ruthless. “But she better start soon or there’s gonna be some real hell in this house.”
Of course, she gradually returns to normal and explains to me that a man should never say that to a woman. She tries hard to look nice and presentable, and it’s just mean to say.
This was the prelude to what I call ‘the three strikes’–the three incidents that opened up my hatred to him to match the hate he showed me. And, in turn, awakened the inner strength that showed me my worth and his worthlessness.