Let’s call this mess “Lessons in tactile sensations”
So you ask: ‘WTF does that 50-cent word have to do with anything?’
Well, companies seemed to delight in making crap that had no use but to be handled. case in point: Silly Putty”
The flesh-colored goo had the consistency of tacky caulk, or semi-hard Tootsie Rolls. It came in a little 4- inch plastic egg (Aw, how cute, right?). This shit had no use except it pulled off ink from newspapers and now you could pull the goo, and stretch the picture to wacky proportions, like making Dick Tracy’s nose look 6 inches long. Believe it or not, this could keep you amused for minutes (not hours, as the advertising hinted). Yea, it had other uses, like it could bounce. It was also good for pissing off mom–this crap stuck to clothes like crazy.
Somehow I still had the Silly Putty in a drawer when I was in Masters School. When I found it, you could swear it was from the Pleistocene Era. I think that if mankind is eradicated, the cockroaches left behind will find silly putty in ruins of houses. Of course, Keith Richards will still be alive, right?
Following on the heels of this was Super Stuff. Obviously taking a page from the Blob that threatened Phoenixville PA, this purple/red goo had no use whatsoever, just to put your hands in something that was soft and gooey. Girls would compare it cake batter, I suppose; but boys would say it was like a pile of turds from a Pekinese down the street. You could blow a bubble through it if you had a thin layer–oh yea, sure!
You tired of this crap fast after the initial romance wore off–once opened, you had to store it in a fridge, and of course, everyone forgot about it. One day, you opened up the mystery container on a shelf and there was the fossilized Super Stuff–hardened like month old Jello.
Tinker Toys were only designed for tactile–round wood blocks with holes on the sides for small straws. Same species as Lego, kinda: you put straws in one, connected those straws to others, etc. Except you really couldn’t build anything with them.. The box had no suggested ideas, so you would amuse yourself by building things that went high without collapsing or how long you could stretch the mess out on the floor.
I have to throw in the lovable super ball. A red ball that was made of bouncy rubber, unlike anything you ever felt before. It was like it had all this energy stored inside, screaming ‘Get me the f outa here!!!’ One bounce and it took off–over your head, sideways into the street, or under your neighbor’s car. You’d play catch from five houses away, it didn’t stop until it hit a lawn, or hit you between your legs. (Don’t laugh–that thing was solid and when it hit you, you got a welt.) And of course, you just had to test if you could throw it over your roof.
Do you seriously think I wouldn’t load this song???