In which our hero gets his scalding baptism of fire: The Gender War
[Note: My notes from this day are a jumbled mess of scribbled questions and obscenities. From 50 years out, I still recall the confusion and angst.]
“Now,” Steve says, “What I’m going to say will not make sense, but it’s not supposed to. It just IS. You can try to think logically but you’ll just end up sitting on the floor, babbling like a chimp, playing with your navel.
“Girls want to know that you feel the same way they do. But you can never know the way they feel. You’re expected to read their mind. Don’t smile, it’s as fucked up as you’re thinking. They want you to be scared of a relationship, but they’re not ‘THAT’ scared, themselves. They like to show that they’re not, but they are. But if you’re not scared, then you’re just in it to get in their pants
“They like you, but you can’t like them a lot. Just a little. They may even be in love, but unless you hear it from their glossy little lips, you must never say the L word.
“If the girl is going to let you under her shirt, You must be a kind vulnerable guy, kind of like you’re part girl. They want to assure themselves that you won’t get skin off them, then run to your friends screaming how great her T’s are. But, deep inside, the girl will never be sure. So they’re scared.”
Moi: “Oh, great, so you tell me this and now I just have to guess what to say.”
“No one has answers, Bozo. Maybe if you’re married for 20 years, it gets clearer. [Note: The old man obviously is no role model here. He could give a black smoking shit about what mom thinks.] What I do is just be casual–it’s day-by-day. I’m not looking for an exclusive relationship, I just like you and want to be with you. Throw it back at her–‘so, how do you feel, Allie’? Hold her when she’s scared, say you’re not going anywhere.
“What she doesn’t know is that over time, a relationship just happens. You get used to each other and you mesh. You like stuff in common, you do things together, even if it’s walking around or eating burgers. Once you’re touching her, she’ll be petrified, but more afraid to break up. Then you two will morph into a ‘couple.’
“And that is the really bad part.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause at the end of the day, you two WILL break up and you and she will be absolutely miserable. It’ll feel like someone’s sticking needles in your soul.”